I'm Not As Cold As I Seem
by emeraldsandivy
Summary: Elsa discovers Anna asleep in the portrait gallery late one night. Wishing she could be more for her sister, Elsa leaves behind a subtle message to let Anna know that she still cares.


Hey all! So, it's been quite a while since I've written for these characters, but I was listening to Dangerous To Dream from the new musical when I found a lovely piece of fan art on Pinterest and this idea came pouring out of me before I could stop it.

This story is set pre-movie, during Elsa's isolation, and, in my head, Elsa is about 15 and Anna is 12. There is some sisterly angst, but ends somewhat fluffy. I hope you enjoy this little tale, thanks for reading!

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It was quiet throughout the kingdom. The sun had retreated below the horizon hours ago and all of Arendelle seemed to be sleeping peacefully. The only sign of life came from the castle, where the flame of a single candle swayed gently with the slow movements of the young woman making her way silently through the deserted hallways.

Still in her day dress, Princess Elsa walked carefully toward the kitchens. She rarely took meals with her family anymore, but she had still neglected the tray that had been set outside her bedroom that evening, finding herself far too engrossed in her geometry studies, so that her food had grown cold by the time she was finished. Now, stomach growling resentfully in the silence, Elsa ventured out from her room, knowing everyone else had long since gone to bed, in search of something to satiate her hunger.

She turned the corner and paused briefly outside a familiar pink door, reaching out to lightly brush her gloved fingertips along the bright patterns. She thought briefly of lopsided snowmen and ice skating in the ballroom before shaking herself from the memories and continuing on her way. Coming to the bottom of the spiral staircase, she was about to turn towards the servants wing when she noticed a soft glow casting shadows at the opposite end of the corridor. Curiosity getting the better of her, Elsa turned away from the direction of the kitchens and crept quietly toward the puzzling source of light.

As she got closer, she realized it was coming from the portrait room, the door left slightly ajar. Puzzled, Elsa reached forward and gently pushed the door open, stepping silently into the large gallery. The candles in a single bracket had been left burning, and she was about to question who could have possibly been so careless when her eyes fell upon the sleeping form curled on the couch just below the source of light: Anna. Her little sister seemed to have fallen asleep beneath her favorite painting, Joan of Arc, head resting on one of the decorative pillows. Elsa knew that Anna liked to come in here and talk to the portraits sometimes, she had said as much during one of her many vigils outside her sister's bedroom door, and most of those conversations seemed to take place with Joan. Spread out on her stomach, a wooden sword dangled precariously from Anna's hand. Elsa shook her head good-naturedly, setting her candle down on a small table by the sofa, and slowly reached forward. Taking care not to disturb Anna, she gently pulled the sword from what was left of her sister's grasp.

As she set it quietly on the floor beside the sofa, she caught sight of the object tucked loosely in the crook of her sister's other arm. A head of blonde hair with a small crown perched on top peaked out at her, watching her, scrutinizing her with its small black eyes. Elsa found that she couldn't look away from the likeness, feeling trapped in its emotionless gaze. She'd never meant for any of this; the accident, the isolation, pulling away from the one person she loved most in the world. She gazed down at the doll and felt a familiar pang of longing deep in her chest. All these years and Anna still hadn't lost faith in her. Though her visits were fewer and more far between, she still never missed a birthday or Christmas, slipping gifts to her through the gap beneath the door. Whenever the cook would make bløtkake, her favorite desert, Anna made sure Elsa always got a piece before going to bed. Elsa knew all Anna wanted was for her to open the door, to be together again, and, more than anything, Elsa wanted the same thing. They'd lost so much, and it was all her fault.

Anna looked so peaceful in sleep, and Elsa realized how much she'd grown. She was becoming a young woman so fast and Elsa was missing it. Suddenly, she stirred in her sleep, her arm stretching out and pushing the doll to the floor. Elsa knelt down to place it next to the sword and found herself almost nose to nose with her sister. She smiled fondly as Anna's face scrunched up for a moment and then settled back into place. Slowly, almost without thinking, she reached forward, her fingertips coming within inches of Anna's cheek, when Elsa caught sight of the white streak in her hair. She quickly pulled her hand back, feeling the cold begin to creep into her fingertips. Flashes of memories reflected in her eyes, reminding her of just how dangerous a simple touch could be. This was foolish; she shouldn't be here, shouldn't allow herself these moments of longing, to wish things could be different. Everything she did, she did to protect her sister. If she let herself slip now, let herself have thoughts of things that could never be, how much more dangerous could she become?

Straightening back up, Elsa gazed down sadly at Anna, sleeping peacefully, oblivious to her sister's complicated presence. She wanted nothing more than for Anna to know the truth; to know who Elsa really was behind that door, and how much she desperately loved her, but she knew it was impossible. There were simply things that Anna could not find out. Letting a soft sigh escape from her lips, Elsa shook her head. She picked her candle back up and walked quietly toward the door, stealing briefly into her mother's sitting room across the hall. Finding a fleece blanket draped over the back of one of the chairs, she slipped back into the portrait room, setting her candle back down. Silently, she shook out the blanket and settled it tenderly over her little sister. Once satisfied, Elsa was content to just watch her for a short while, drinking in every feature on Anna's face, memorizing it. Elsa wasn't sure how long she stood there, but, eventually, her empty stomach made itself known once again, echoing through the vast space of the gallery.

Reluctantly, Elsa tore her gaze away from her sister and turned to retrieve her candle. She was halfway to the door when a sudden idea struck her. Her fingers travelled up to the base of her throat, where a small brooch sat. It was her favorite; a single, large sapphire encircled in delicate silver. Plucking it gently from her dress, Elsa returned back to Anna's sleeping form. She set the trinket down by her pillow, hoping she would find it in the morning, that she would understand. Then, with a final look at the serene expression on Anna's face, Elsa extinguished the candles on the wall bracket and swept quietly from the room, sneaking a few biscuits from the kitchens, before retreating back to the solitude of her bedroom.

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Anna awoke hours later, the sun streaming through the clerestory windows of the portrait room and reflecting off the polished floor. Squinting against the brightness, the princess yawned widely, sitting up to stretch. She paused, confused, when she realized that a blanket was draped snugly over her body. She didn't remember bringing one in with her to the gallery. The last thing she remembered was talking to Joan about her latest exploits before she must have fallen asleep on the sofa. Speaking of, Anna suddenly realized that she no longer had her wooden sword or her sister's doll. Panicking slightly, she glanced around her until her eyes fell to the floor, where both items were lying neatly side by side.

Now Anna was well and confused; she was sure that she had been holding tightly to each of them before falling asleep. Shaking her head, wondering if maybe Gerda or her mother had stumbled upon her earlier this morning, the princess swung her legs off the sofa to stand when she heard something clatter loudly to the wooden floor. She spotted the object right away and watched it bounce and skid across the hall, coming to a rest near the center of the room, glinting in the sunlight. Yawning again, Anna stood sluggishly, combing her fingers through her ratty hair, and shuffled over to pick it up. At first she wasn't sure what she was looking at. Clearly, it was a brooch of some kind, a sapphire set in a simple ring of silver, but it wasn't hers. Anna hardly wore jewelry, and even then, it was only for special occasions. She knew her mother had a similar brooch, but hers was circled in gold. The only other person she could think of would be…Elsa.

Anna gasped, nearly dropping the piece of jewelry, once again, to the floor. She examined it closer, holding it so close to her face that her eyes nearly crossed. Yes, Anna had seen Elsa wearing this brooch before with one of her usual high-collared dresses. Had Elsa been in here? Had she been the one who found Anna asleep? Anna looked back over to the sofa and the rumpled blanket, finally piecing it together. Elsa must have found her at some point last night. Her sister thought she was subtle, but Anna knew that Elsa would leave her room late at night sometimes, when she thought everyone else was asleep. Usually she'd go to the library, but, a few times, Anna had followed her to the kitchens where her sister would sneak a late night snack.

Since the library was upstairs, Elsa must have been on her way to the kitchens when she found Anna. Looking up at the wall, the princess noticed that the candles were only halfway melted. The light must have been what caught her sister's attention, causing her to investigate, only to find Anna asleep beneath her favorite portrait. Walking back to the couch, Anna sank down into the cushions and ran her hand along the soft fleece of the blanket. There was a small sitting room just across the hall that her mother would frequent when Papa was away on official business. Elsa must have slipped over to retrieve the blanket and covered Anna while she slept, chasing away the chill of the large, drafty room. She looked back down at the sword and doll, guessing they'd already fallen there or that Elsa had removed them from her grasp so that she would be more comfortable. Logically, everything made sense, except for one thing: the brooch.

It sat in the palm of her hand, sparkling in the early morning light. Had Elsa intended to leave it behind? Perhaps it had simply fallen from its place at the base of her throat and she hadn't notice. Anna shook her head. Her sister noticed everything, she was so careful, so cautious. If she hadn't wanted Anna to know she had been there, she would not have left a trace of herself behind; Elsa had meant for her to find this. Anna continued to stare down at the the brooch, wondering why; why now, after so many years, had Elsa tried to extend even the smallest bit of kindness. And what did it mean? Did it even mean anything at all?

She couldn't figure it out, like a puzzle where the pieces didn't quite fit together. She felt the familiar feeling of resentment swelling in her chest, and Anna wanted to run to Elsa's door, to bang against it with all her might and demand her sister explain everything; the silence, the secrecy, all the years of coldness. However, she felt her anger recede just as quickly as it had come. She stared down at the trinket in her hand and closed her fingers around it, holding it tightly to her chest, as if it might disappear or never have been there in the first place. This small piece of the sister she hardly knew anymore, given to her willingly. Anna smiled and felt tears prick the corners of her eyes. She pulled the blanket to her and draped it over her shoulders, letting it envelope her. Standing back up, she tucked the sword and doll under her arm and stepped out into the corridor, walking toward the staircase.

Though it was getting close to mid-morning, Anna made her way through the castle uninterrupted. She figured Gerda must be in the dining hall, seeing to her parents for breakfast after bringing Elsa her tray. Anna normally didn't make her way down for food until the sun was nearly directly overhead, so Gerda would just let her sleep, unless there was a specific reason she needed to be up early. This morning, she was grateful for the privacy as she approached the tall, white door at the end of the residential wing.

She reached forward and rested her palm against the familiar blue snowflakes, the wood feeling cool against her skin. Kneeling, the blanket still wrapped around her shoulders, she set the brooch on the ground and gently slid it through the gap beneath the door. She waited a moment, listening for any sign that her sister was there, but heard only the familiar silence. Standing back up she leaned forward and rested her forehead against the the smooth surface. She remained still for a few moments, trying to savor her sister's kindness just a little longer.

"Thank you, Elsa," she murmured softly, straightening back up.

Just as she began to turn away, her fingertips falling away from the delicate patterns, Anna thought she heard a timid "Your welcome" slip quietly through the door. She smiled warmly, pulling the blanket closer, and crept slowly toward her own bedroom.

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I'm emeraldsandivy over on Tumblr, please feel free to come say hello!


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